Monday, July 11, 2016

Does Your Opinion on Ghostbusters Mean You're Sexist? An Interactive Guide




Hey bro, are you excited to see the new female Ghostbusters movie?
     --Yes-> Congratulations! You might not be sexist.
--No, I’m boycotting it because they’re using Kobe Bryant in the marketing campaign, and he’s probably a rapist. Why does everyone seem to forget this?-> Congratulations! You might not be sexist.

No-> Oh, well, is that because you generally hate all sci-fi/franchise movies?
     --Yes-> Congratulations! You might not be sexist.

No-> Okay, so you don’t hate sci-fi/franchise movies, but you’re not pumped to see the new Ghostbusters. Do you have mad love for the original Ghostbusters movies?
--Not especially/Haven’t seen them-> Congratulations! You might not be sexist.

Oh yeah, they’re classics!-> All right, this is getting worrisome. So you love the original Ghostbusters movies, but don’t want to see the new one. Is that because you just don’t support reboots?
--Yes-> But didn’t you love the Christopher Nolan Dark Knight movies, the Daniel Craig Bond movies, and the J.J. Abrams Star Trek movies?
--No, because I refuse to support reboots-> Congratulations! You might not be sexist.
--Yeah man, those movies were dope!-> Whoa, dude, you have some sexist tendencies that you should maybe address.

No-> Okay, lemme see if I’m following you here. You love the original Ghostbusters movies, and you have no beef with reboots, but you just don’t want to see this movie. Is that because you’re suffering from franchise fatigue?
--Yes-> But didn’t you see the new Captain America, X-Men, and Independence Day flicks?
--No, I skipped all that junk-> Congratulations! You might not be sexist.
--Yeah man, those movies were dope!-> Whoa, dude, you have some sexist tendencies that you should maybe address.
--Yeah, but X-Men (or Independence Day) totally blew, and I’m just done with franchise flicks for this summer-> Really? You’re not even gonna see Jason Bourne?!
--Nope, I’m for real done with franchises for now-> Congratulations! You might not be sexist.
--Oh, hell yeah I’m seeing Jason Bourne!-> Whoa, dude, you have some sexist tendencies that you should maybe address.

No-> Right, so franchises and reboots aren’t the problem. Do you just not like the cast?
--Yeah, I just don’t think they’re funny-> Didn’t you see Bridesmaids?!
--Nope, didn’t interest me-> Whoa, dude, you have some sexist tendencies that you should maybe address.
--Yeah, it didn’t do much for me-> Well, can you name any comedy that you liked that didn’t have a male lead? Or even a show, like Girls or Inside Amy Schumer?
--No-> Whoa, dude, you have some sexist tendencies that you should maybe address.
--Yes-> Are you sure? Seriously, name the movie/show.
--(Success)-> Congratulations! You might not be sexist.
--(Failure)-> Whoa, dude, you have some sexist tendencies that you should maybe address.

No, the cast is fine, I just don’t think they should be the Ghostbusters-> Oh, fascinating. Let’s dig into that. Do you just think all franchise anchors should maintain their initial physical characteristics?
--Yes-> Oh, so you’re one of those guys that didn’t want Daniel Craig to be Bond just because he’s blonde?
--Yep, I sure am-> Okay, I don’t understand you at all, but-> Congratulations! You might not be sexist.
--No, that was fine, I just think changing gender goes too far-> So did you also not support the new Star Wars having a girl Jedi?
--Yeah, what was with that?-> Whoa, dude, you have some sexist tendencies that you should maybe address.
--No, that was okay because Star Wars can do no wrong-> Whoa, dude, you have some sexist tendencies that you should maybe address.

No, franchises can change, it just seems like this Ghostbusters doesn’t respect the originals-> Oh, ummm, okay. Why do you think that? Do you think changing the gender of the protagonists somehow flies in the face of the original intent?
--Honestly, yeah, a little bit-> But why? Haven’t we evolved enough to realize that women can be leaders and heroes, too? I mean, are you okay with a woman President?
--Nope-> Whoa, dude, you have some sexist tendencies that you should maybe address.
--Yeah, of course-> Great! So you’re voting for Hillary, then?
--Absolutely!-> Congratulations! You might not be sexist.
--Yeah, I was a Bernie fan, but we only get two choices, so now #ImWithHer-> Congratulations! You might not be sexist.
--Oh, hell no! I just thought you meant theoretically. We need to make America great again!-> Okay, you’re probably sexist, but you’ve got way bigger problems than that.

No, it’s not that they changed the genders, it’s just a lot of little things rubbing me the wrong way, like that SNL-style humor that’s just not funny, and why did they have to make the black girl a subway worker? Isn’t that racist?-> Wait, you do know that the original Ghostbusters were half SNL alums, right? And you know that Ernie Hudson, the black guy, was the only non-scientist in the original, right? That didn’t seem to bother you then.
--Yeah, but that’s different-> Different how? Aren’t you always saying that Anchorman and Wayne’s World are like the funniest movies ever?
--Look, it’s just different, okay? Stop being so difficult!-> Have you watched an Adam Sandler movie in the last decade?
--(Sheepishly)…Yeah-> Whoa, dude, you have some sexist tendencies that you should maybe address.

Yeah, I get all that, but seriously, the trailer just doesn’t look good-> Come on. Is the trailer really why you don’t want to see Ghostbusters? Would a bad trailer keep you from seeing the next installment of The Fast & Furious, or any other franchise you like?
--Honestly, yeah, it probably would-> Congratulations! You might not be sexist.
--That’s not fair, you know how much I love the Fast & Furious movies!-> Really? Because you never talk about them nearly as much as you quote that “yes, your honor, this man has no dick” line from the first Ghostbusters.->

Okay, even if it’s not the trailer, I just don’t understand why Hollywood has to trample on my childhood. Can’t I just keep one thing I love without them changing everything?-> Wait, I don’t understand. We’ve already established that you’re totally fine with other franchises passing on to new stars and directors, like Batman, James Bond, Star Wars, and Star Trek. You’re even fine with Superman, Batman, and Spider-Man being played by Brits. So what, you think change is okay just as long as the stars remain men?
--No, it’s not just that they stay men, it’s…-> Oh God, are you one of those people that gets pissed off at the thought of a black James Bond?
--I mean, James Bond is supposed to be white-> Okay, you’re probably sexist, but you’ve got way bigger problems than that.

Look, if I’m being honest, it’s Bill Murray. You need Bill Murray, and I can’t deal with a Ghostbusters movie that doesn’t have him.-> Ummm, did you not know that Bill Murray is in the new one? All of the original Ghostbusters (except Harold Ramis, because he’s dead) have small parts in the new one, and so do Sigourney Weaver and Annie Potts.
--Oh, seriously? Damn, you’ve convinced me. I should give this movie a chance!-> Congratulations! You might not be sexist.
--Ehh, I’m still not feelin’ it. You just don’t understand.-> Whoa, dude, you have some sexist tendencies that you should maybe address.





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